Community Leader Navigates Recovery and Grief
By Luke Schmaltz, VOICES Newsletter Editor
Tyshaun Perryman is a Community Engagement Liaison for BSAS (Bureau of Substance Addiction Services). He has been involved in community outreach and engagement for over 20 years.
In his work, Perryman frequently encounters people who are struggling with substance use. He also experiences a high rate of loss, as overdose deaths are common in the communities he serves.
Perryman offers groundbreaking insight into coping with grief from a substance-related death, sustained recovery, and mental health management. In a previous article published in the SADOD FEED Newsletter, Perryman delves into four self-help books that have been vital to his recovery and wellbeing.
Close to Home
“I have lost a lot of people to addiction,” Perryman begins, “People in my family have died both directly and indirectly from substance use – some from the symptoms of their addiction and others from overdose. I lost almost an entire family branch which included my auntie, her son, and her two daughters. My aunt had health complications from the substance use which led to an early death. One of my cousins struggled with addiction, all the evidence after his death pointed to an overdose, his sister died from a confirmed overdose, and the other sister died from endocarditis.”
“I lost another cousin on April 3, 2025, to overdose as well. My uncle also died from substance-related complications. Alcohol was his drug of choice.”
“All these family members died within a short time frame, which was tough to cope with,” Perryman explains. “I have lost a lot of people to that lifestyle and to violent crime, which intersects with substance use. It’s almost a numb feeling. My understanding of death and how to manage grief has helped me a lot. You don’t ever get over it, you learn to manage it.”
“I have been in abstinence-based, long-term recovery for 10 years,” Perryman explains. “When I was working as a recovery coach, several people I was helping would all die within a month or so of each other. The environment I grew up in, in Boston, was old school in that it took a village to raise a child. Many of the family members I lost were not blood, but they were family.”
Letting it Show
“I stopped taking the traditional male approach to grief; where you have to be strong for everybody,” Perryman says. “Some people who take that path end up going into a deeper state of grief because they resisted their own emotions and never allowed themselves to process their own sense of loss. I have learned to express those emotions and share them with others.”
“My strategy for dealing with grief involves a lot of practical elements, such as letting those around me know that I am in a grieving situation, and that I might need a comforting ear or someone to hug, and I work it out from there.”
“From 2019 up until now, there has been a downpour of deaths – usually three at a time within a space of a few months. Some funerals I don’t attend because I have to care for myself. Another strategy I use is, if I go to a funeral and see someone in their casket, I remind myself that they would want me to live. They would want me to be happy. I transcend death and grief by recognizing that they are gone and I have to be mindful about managing my emotions. That doesn’t fix anything, but it helps me to get up the next day and go to work. I recognize that it is temporary.”
“It is important to express grief,” Perryman continues, “Pushing it down has never worked. You can find support in many places and sometimes you have to be selfish about it. I worked at Boston Medical for four years. During that time, I lost a lot of people in recovery. I was very fortunate that I had supervisors and team members that I could share my grief with.”
Coping Strategies
Perryman endorses the idea of working through grief, literally. “I would explain to my Boston Medical coworkers that my way of coping with grief was to take space for myself and work through it while staying busy, keeping my mind occupied, and keeping a positive focus. The grieving feelings are powerful, but the overwhelming part is temporary – it subsides eventually – and you can continue living your life without falling into a deep state of depression, losing motivation, catastrophizing, and blowing things out of proportion as though your life is over.”
“When I keep myself busy in the midst of grief, I am not focusing on the tragedy. There’s a natural emptiness you feel in the face of loss, especially when you are used to seeing that person on a regular basis and you value that person. So, I take time and make space for that.”
“From a recovery and mental health perspective, therapy is often recommended for grieving people. Society has commercialized therapy to where it seems as though, if you don’t have a therapist, you can’t deal with your grief. I am not against it by any means, but there are other ways of coping, of finding support, and expressing yourself. If I am grieving, everybody becomes my therapist. Anybody who has a listening ear. If my supervisor asks how they can help, or if I need a moment, I will tell them that I just need someone to talk to for a minute.”
“Often, people isolate themselves because they don’t recognize that help is all around them. They think that they must meet with their therapist and get their meds in order to cope. People can become overly dependent on therapy. The tools for managing grief are inside of you. A therapist, a pastor, or a recovery coach are only there to help you help yourself through the process. It’s the same with a fitness coach. They aren’t the ones who are going to get you in shape – you have to do the work.”
Qualified Support
“A therapist or any other supportive agent is a tool for support, but they are not the cure," Perryman sys. "Your personal empowerment depends on the initiative you are willing to take and work you are willing to put into feeling better.”
“How I came to that mindset was because when I was in active addiction, I didn’t have a chance to heal from the loss of loved ones because my feelings were so numb. I never gave myself time to absorb the fact that a family member had died. But, when I started looking for people to help me get out of my addiction, or to find the intrinsic motivation to get myself to a detox facility, people who said they were there to support me were finding that they didn’t want to deal with it.”
“This is an issue for a lot of people seeking recovery. When you get to the point where you want to make a change, the people around you may not have the mindset or the ability to support you through the process. When no one is there to support you, how do you make it? How do you get through?”
“For me, coping with my postponed grief, due to my addiction, was parallel to my recovery,” Perryman explains. “They were inseparable journeys. I had to learn to manage them both. I had to accept that some of my family members and friends were gone. I came to understand that I may never get over the losses, but I could learn to manage the grief and continue to live my life.”
“I carry them all with me, all at once, but I accept that they are gone.”
In Part Two of this story, Tyshaun Perryman offers insight into martyr syndrome, imposter syndrome, relapse prevention, and his forthcoming endeavor entitled Insightful Recovery Solutions. Please stay tuned to VOICES for the rest of the story in the July 2025 issue.