Outreach Leader Discusses Top Self-Help Books
By Luke Schmaltz, SADOD FEED Newsletter Editor
Tyshaun Perryman works for BSAS (Bureau of Substance Addiction Services) as a Community Engagement Liaison. He holds a bachelor’s degree in mass communications and has been working in outreach for 20+ years. In his work and his personal recovery journey, he seeks helpful information from authors in the self-help and self-improvement genres.
“One of the ways I have learned to cope with grief, to understand my emotions, and to manage my recovery amid the challenges of my profession, is through reading lots of self-help books,” he explains.
Charge It to the Game
“One of my philosophies comes from a book called The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn.
“I approach the text from the mindset of a street-level upbringing. I was always taught that whatever happens in your life, charge it to the game. Let’s say that, while I was using and in a blackout, I was assaulted or hit by a car. Rather than dwell on the fact that this incident happened to me, I would charge it to the game. Death of a loved one is similar – it is part of the game of life.”
“Any incident I experienced under active addiction, while I was homeless and living in the street, I cope with by charging it to the game of addiction. It happened because of where I was at the time, but it is not who I am now. That was the game then, and I am living a different life now.”
“We have to accept life as it is, rather than what we want it to be. We place unrealistic expectations upon ourselves, such as when we look back on a tragic situation, we say, ‘I could have or should have done things differently.’ That causes us to assign guilt and shame to ourselves on an abusive level, and we don’t even know we are doing it.”
“Trying to or wishing to change past events around a catastrophe is unrealistic. It simply can’t happen.”
Facing Difficulty
Perryman cites another helpful book, The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck.
“This is one of my favorite books of all time,” He explains. “The first sentence in this book states, ‘Life is difficult.’ The following paragraph talks about how developing an ability to understand and accept that life is difficult can help you transcend said difficulties. Then, the text goes into a discussion on mental illness. Peck states that most mental illness is the result of people trying to avoid legitimate suffering. Grief is legitimate suffering.”
“When someone does not want to go through the grief process, when they are deliberately avoiding it, they will use all sorts of justifications rather than deal with the grief itself.”
“Later in the text, Peck notes that most people are not disciplined, and he champions the importance of developing discipline. He says that through self-discipline, you can overcome anything.”
“My interpretation of that is: You are not a victim of a set of circumstances when you allow yourself to work through them. Discipline creates habits that empower you to work through difficult situations, rather than allowing circumstances to work you up.”
Self-Acceptance
“I also recommend How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything, Yes Anything! by Albert Ellis, Ph.D.”
“I found this book when I was working at Boston Medical Center. The author talks about unconditional self-acceptance. He explains that if you are dealing with depression as a result of grief, often it is not depression or sadness that is the problem. The problem is that you can become continually sad simply from being sad or continually angry simply from being angry. The original circumstances that made you sad or angry are no longer driving your condition. Rather, it is the continuum of an emotional modality that sustains itself.
“You can become angry at being angry or sad at being sad, rather than accepting the fact that you need to move on. You can take a moment and say to yourself, ‘I am not supposed to be perpetually angry, I am supposed to be able to handle the situation in another way.’ Or if someone dies and you find yourself having a nervous breakdown, or an anxiety attack, you can say to yourself, ‘I am not supposed to be having an anxiety attack, I am not supposed to be upset, or fearful, or feeling empty because of this loss.’ These feelings are not what is wrong with you. What’s wrong is the fact that you are upset at yourself for dealing with the situation the wrong way.”
“The solution Ellis presents is called USA (Unconditional Self-Acceptance), and it takes practice – a whole lot of it.”
Managing Emotions
“Another great book is The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest,” Perryman says. “The text examines feelings of heaviness or being emotionally detached. When these occur, we regret that we are in a depressive state. She explains that it is OK to be depressed, and being vulnerable to this state can give access to its transformative power.”
“There will be days when you feel tired, angry, or unmotivated. When you simply accept this, you can avoid beating yourself up. The power lies in understanding the state you are in, that you will never be perfect, and managing it to the best of your ability.”
“When I started my recovery process, I was emotionally damaged. I am a child of ACEs (Adverse Emotional Experiences). One of the greatest revelations I had was that I couldn’t approach recovery from an emotional standpoint. Instead, I had to start being productive in tangible ways. I had to strategize and put myself in a position to win. I had to go to detox, not because I wanted to, but because of the principle of putting myself in an environment designed to help me win.”
“I started living my life based on this principle, knowing my emotions would catch up with me in due time. When I become emotional, then I must become productive and create positive results.”
To learn more about Tyshaun Perryman’s understanding of grief and recovery, please see the June issue of SADOD’s VOICES Newsletter. This adjacent story will be published on June 10.