Theater Actor Harnesses Grief
By Luke Schmaltz, VOICES Newsletter Editor
The house lights dim, and actor Johnny Gordon finds his mark onstage. As the lights go up, he becomes “Jay,” the main character in a play entitled, I’d Never do That – a theater production by 2nd Act. This Boston-based artist collective uses film, theater, and drama therapy to address the impact of substance use.
Gordon’s acting career began in college, where he found inspiration in a fellow thespian. “I had a really good friend named Harry Berto, but we all called him Eddie,” Gordon begins. “We did a bunch of shows together. He was one of those people that, whenever he entered a room, the energy became undeniably positive. He had a certain vibe, and everyone loved when he was around.”
Out of the Blue
“One day, I got a phone call from a friend. She told me that Eddie had passed away from an accidental overdose. It was a total shock. Back then, I was not educated on certain signs to look out for which indicated someone might be struggling. Eddie was always happy, and everything seemed great all the time. No one saw it coming.”
“Back then, I didn’t know how to deal with grief. It was hard. To this day, I am still grieving. It never fully goes away – it will always be there. But you can find ways of making the grief easier to deal with.”
“A few years later, I saw a casting ad on Facebook for 2nd Act. At the time, I was still living in Western Mass. The details explained that the program was for artists that were in recovery or somehow affected by substance use. I realized how unique this was and that it could be therapeutic for me because I had not yet worked through my grief.”
“I submitted an application but, due to COVID-19, I didn’t hear back for a while. In the meantime, I moved to Boston. Within the first month, I got an email from Ryan Beard [2nd Act Education Director] saying that they received my submission and wanted to audition me. I got the part and was soon doing shows.”
Narrative Therapy
In I’d Never Do That, a family of four copes with substance use. The mother struggles with alcohol, which eventually causes Gordon’s character, Jay, to begin experimenting with substances while the father and sister struggle by proxy.
Jay’s journey begins at birth, crawls through childhood, fumbles through teendom, and staggers into early adulthood. The audience is led through a story of conflict, substance use, dysfunction, and partial resolution. “We leave the ending up to interpretation, because in reality, some people don’t get help and never admit they have a problem,” Gordon explains.
“It has been the most therapeutic thing for me,” Gordon says. “I can't think of anything else I could be doing that would help me through my grief so effectively. Eddie would love this. He would love that I am doing theater and bringing my emotional experience to the stage.”
Powerful Work
“Some days, my emotions hit really hard,” Gordon continues. “Sometimes, during a performance, I’ll feel totally fine and other days it can be hard to get through the show because the material is so emotionally charged. We are doing these intense 30-minute pieces, sometimes at 7:30 or 8:00 in the morning. Waking up and jumping into character can be difficult.”
After a particularly emotional performance, Gordon reflects on his delivery. “I wonder where some of it came from,” he says. “That’s when I have to remind myself that grief affects everyone differently. Some days are easier, and others are not. There can be crying involved. When that happens, I recognize that I am releasing something, and I am healing.”
Connecting with Kids
“After each show, we do a Q & A session with the audience,” Gordon explains. “We [the cast] introduce ourselves and tell our personal story in one minute. I talk about Eddie and how I joined 2nd Act to work through my grief while doing something I love. In doing so, I hope to prevent this from happening to others by helping these middle school and high school students to be aware of certain signs to look for.”
“I tell them to always check in with your friends and loved ones, especially with the people who always seem like they are happy and that everything is perfect sunshine and rainbows. The older you get, the more you realize that people are good at pretending things are OK. Oftentimes, if you simply ask someone how they are doing, they could open up to you right there. I end my introduction with a favorite quotation by Ralph Waldo Emerson.”
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest achievement.”
“Teenagers really need to hear that. They are at the ages where they are trying to be cool and not reveal their emotions. When I am performing, I notice the teens at the front of the audience near the stage trying their best not to get emotionally invested in the story.”
“It is important to remind them that it is OK to feel, it is OK to ask for help. It does not mean that you are weak, despite the pressure to fit in and be cool. It is important to remind them that it's OK to feel – that having emotions does not mean they are weak despite being at the age where they are doing everything they can to fit in.”
Reflective Moments
“2nd Act has another show called I’ll Be There for You,” Gordon continues. “In that production, I play a character named Miles, who struggles with a drinking problem. He has a hard time admitting it, but through his friends and a drama therapy workshop he attends he is able to ask for help. He can admit that he struggles, that it is OK to not be OK, and that he is worthy.”
After the shows Gordon is often approached by young people who were moved by the play. “I have kids come up to me and say things like, ‘I am really struggling, I lost my mom, I lost my dad, I have a friend I am worried about.’ Which brings up memories of my friend, Eddie, and what it was like to be a teenager.”
“The part of Jay’s story that resonates most with me are his teenage years. I remember what it was like to feel lonely, like I had no friends, like an outsider. I was very lonely as a teenager. I still feel that way sometimes, even as an adult.”
“There are moments in Jay’s story that hit me especially hard in overwhelming waves of grief. But, because it is theater, I can use the emotion to my advantage, and release it into the art. This is why 2nd Act has been so therapeutic for me. I love theater, and this is such a healthy way for me to work through my grief.”