Summer Camp Director Helps Grieving Kids
By Luke Schmaltz, VOICES Newsletter Editor
Gayle Saks is the founder and director of Camp Happy Place. As a child, Saks attended an overnight summer camp for 15 seasons, an experience which brought her an enduring sense of joy and connection.
Saks works with middle and high school kids as a licensed drug and alcohol counselor. The camp gives kids who have lost a loved one to substance use a way to meet others who have experienced the same, to create lasting friendships, and to simply have fun.
Inspired Involvement
“I got into this field fairly circuitously,” Saks begins. “For a long time, I worked in fundraising for nonprofits in Boston. Then, I started volunteering at our local jail in a writing program for women. So many of their stories revolved around addiction. In the middle of one of these classes, I had a light bulb moment that inspired me to pivot my entire career. I was sick of asking people for money, which is ironic, because now as a founder of my own nonprofit, I am doing that again – all the time – but at least it is for something I am passionate about.”
“Addiction has always been in my orbit,” Saks continues. “I lost my best friend, Craig, to suicide – he struggled with a five-year addiction to crystal meth. He died nine years ago and there’s not one day that goes by that something doesn’t remind me of him, whether it makes me smile or makes me sad. But by the time he died, he was already lost – he was not the same person.”
“Craig was loved by a zillion people. Sober or not sober, he was always the life of the party. I was the one who had to make a lot of phone calls when he died – me and another friend had to split the list.”
“As it turns out, my mother also committed suicide. I was 21 at the time and there was a lot of mental illness there. I guess that’s what drew me to the caring professions in general. Now, my daughter is 24 and her biggest fear is that something is going to happen to me.”
“I didn’t really grieve when my mother died because it wasn’t unexpected – there had already been suicide attempts. But a couple of months ago, I was in the car, and I had Spotify on shuffle. There were three songs in a row that played that reminded me of Craig and I got really sad. They were songs by Elton John (Levon), The Rolling Stones, and Ricki Lee Jones. Grief waxes and wanes.”
Pervasive Struggle
“When I pivoted my career, this was about 11 years ago,” Saks continues, “I started working as a counselor at an all-male halfway house in Boston. Then I went to work at a private rehab facility in Boston. I eventually moved out to the Berkshires, where I live now. I am in a community where the opiate and alcohol use numbers are off the charts.
I encountered a lot of grief when I worked in the all-male halfway house. So many of those guys are dead now. I’ve lost count. Grieving is complicated.”
“I worked in a rough detox unit in a local hospital. The adults I encountered would often talk about the shame they felt in having neglected their kids and having lost custody because they chose drugs over their kids. Then, I got a job working at a middle school / high school as a counselor for kids who have issues with vaping or drinking, or have parents who are struggling with substance use, or live with other family members because their parents died.”
Inspired by Experience
“I went to a sleepaway camp from the time I was three until I was 18. That was always my happy place. About eight years ago, I was getting my license, and I had to do a final project that was focused on youth when I had an epiphany. This idea went on my physical bucket list which I carry around with me wherever I go. The idea I wrote down says, ‘Start a summer camp for kids who have lost a parent to substance use.’”
“I realized that if I didn’t do this, I would regret it forever. That was the genesis of Camp Happy Place. So far it has been incredible; we had our first session last June. All the kids who attend have one thing in common. They all have to know, before they get there, the basics of how their parent or guardian died so they know why they are there. Regardless, the primary focus is not on grief – it is on having fun.”
“We are not sitting around and deliberately talking about loss and grief, but that element might evolve. What I have found out, interestingly enough, is that the boys talk about their loss more so than the girls – which I did not anticipate. During circle sharing time with the girls, we talk about any feeling that may have emerged for them – that’s the closest we get to ‘therapy.’”
“All of our staff and board are volunteers, including me. Most are in long-term recovery and have experienced the loss of someone close – be they a sibling, a parent, a client, or a dear friend. We are a vastly diverse group of people who understand the part of the populace that deals with grief.”
Parental Participation
Saks explains that prior to attending Camp Happy Place, a child’s parent or guardian has a conversation with them explaining what the camp is all about and the common ground shared by all the kids that will be there. “We’ve had two parents reach out and say that they weren’t sure how to navigate this step,” she says. “In these instances, I put them in touch with other parents of campers who have had the conversation.”
Saks shares a quote from one of the camper’s moms:
“My daughter, Aerie, lost her father to addiction. One of the hardest questions she gets asked by her peers is, ‘How did your dad die?’ At Camp Happy Place, she didn’t have to explain. She just got to be a kid with other kids who understood.”
“That’s exactly the whole point of this,” Saks confirms.
“To attend this camp,” Saks continues, “The families don’t pay a dime. We hook them up with everything you can think of. On the first day, each kid has a huge duffel bag waiting on their bed with everything except for their clothes, but if they need those, we can get them too.”
“The parents and guardians are eternally grateful for this, and I have formed bonds with them as well. After all, they are grieving too and it is especially hard for the grandparents who are raising their grandchildren because they have lost their adult children. One of my favorite people I have met through the camp is an 83-year-old woman. Her daughter overdosed and died almost a year ago and here she is with her 11-year-old grandson.”
A Day at Camp
“Each day, we wake up, have breakfast, and delve into your typical summer camp activities such as swimming, arts and crafts, and athletics. Then we have lunch, a bit of down time, two more activities, dinner, and an evening activity. They have three very full days. Last year, they loved every second of it – we had 14 kids last summer and they are all coming back. There were seven girls, seven boys, and lots of counselors. We will have 30-or-so kids this year.”
Despite the technological overwhelm kids are faced with today, Saks is happy to report that some things have not changed since she was young. “Kids are still kids,” she says. “And this is a place where they can do exactly that – bottom line. There are no electronics allowed. Last summer, none of the boys cared about calling home and we had only one girl who was homesick. They immersed themselves completely in their surroundings and the activities and did things they had never done before. They challenged themselves and came out so much more confident than when they came in. I love these kids.”
Legacy of Happiness
“The facility still operates as a regular, seasonal sleepaway camp,” Saks explains. “They are able to squeeze us in just before their regular summer session begins. They have staff who are there training, so we can use their lifeguards, their rope course instructors, and their kitchen staff. Some of the curriculum and activities were built around that, but I brought in a volunteer arts and craft teacher, a yoga instructor, and other people with similar skills. I made sure all the elements were there.”
When Happy Place Camp is in session, Saks enjoys being immersed in the daily activities with the kids. “This summer, I am going to have an assistant director to be the point person between the counselors and the director so that I can be free to participate. I wish I could be everywhere all at once. Last summer. My husband drove me around in a golf cart all day from one activity site to another. It was so much fun. The whole point was to see the joy and we accomplished that. We did it.”
One of the most important elements of Saks’ story is that Camp Happy Place takes place an hour away at Greenwood Trails in Connecticut. This is the very same summer camp facility she spent 15 summers at as a kid. “They are eating in the dining hall I ate in, they are sleeping in the bunks I slept in, and swimming in the lake I swam in,” she concludes. “My happy place has become their happy place.”
If you are a Massachusetts-based parent or guardian interested in Camp Happy Place for your kids, you can access the application via this link.
If you would like to donate to Camp Happy Place, you can do so here.