Party Planner Brings Joy to Grieving Children
By Luke Schmaltz, VOICES Newsletter Editor
Shiaka McIntosh is the founder and CEO of Parties From Above. Over the last year, she has been organizing birthday parties for children who have experienced the death of a parent.
Her free events are filled with joy, connection, and healing for grieving kids ages six to 16. Kids beam with glee in front of elaborate backdrops of multi-colored balloons, flowers, portraits, glitter, and huge cutouts of numbers which represent their age.
“Some of these kids have witnessed the overdose of a parent,” McIntosh begins. “Others have lost a parent to gun violence, domestic violence, or a disease like cancer or diabetes. So, I create these beautiful parties for the kids because I know their birthdays will never be the same.”
Close to Home
McIntosh’s grief journey began in 2016 when her son’s father, Marcus Anthony Hall, was killed at a local barber shop. “This was not gang-related,” McIntosh attests. “There was some sort of an altercation, and the guy shot Marcus in broad daylight in front of my son.”
“I grieved for a full three years,” she says. “I barely left the house, and I didn’t want to be around people. I suffered in silence. I have lost people before, but not this close to home.”
“Then, my mom passed away from cancer. Losing a parent as an adult really hurts a lot. This made my son’s upcoming birthday all the more important. Then, I realized there are other kids like my son out there who have lost a parent. ”
Tragedy Accrues
“As soon as someone passes away, everyone is there in the beginning. But then, everyone starts drifting off,” McIntosh explains. “There was even a time when my son was picked on, and other kids said things like, ‘Your daddy is dead, your daddy is dead,’ and he would say things to other kids like, ‘My dad is dead, where’s your dad?’ He needed a support group of kids his age, because he is not the only kid suffering – given the amount of violence and overdoses in this city.”
“I was always big on parties when Marcus was alive. He would say, ‘You are amazing at throwing parties. You should do this for other people.’ At that time, I agreed, but only for nieces, nephews, and people close to the family.”
“My goddaughter’s father was also murdered – on the city bus,” McIntosh continues. “I was always going to do parties for these kids, but that event made me extra sensitive to the importance of her birthday, and made me want to pour more effort into the event.”
Filling the Void
“At first, I just started creating the idea for Parties From Above in my head, but I didn’t execute it yet. Then, two years ago, my good friend passed away from an overdose. She took my kids to school for me every day, and we were really close. She was an amazing person, an amazing mother, and an amazing auntie. And, she was so high-functioning that I didn’t know she was using. I wish I would have known, so I could have at least said something. Her child and her mother found her body.”
After that event, McIntosh made up her mind to do something to counter all of the loss around her. “My friend’s daughter’s birthday was one of the first parties I threw,” she says. “I realized I could do this for other kids too, and all of a sudden the calls and requests for parties started coming in. It has been nonstop since then.”
“Unfortunately it is a blessing, but not really a blessing at the same time. I wish these were not the circumstances, but I love what I do.”
Lack of funding prevents McIntosh from keeping up with the demand, yet she does all she can with the current resources.
Healing Through Helping
“I am trying to create a program for all the kids I do parties for, who have lost a mommy or a daddy, to come together and have a safe space to just chill with each other. It is not every day that a child loses a parent, but these kids can truly relate to each other.”
McIntosh finds relief from her own grief through the act of setting up the parties. “Blowing up the balloons is therapy for me,” she explains. “Sometimes I will blow up 300 or 400 balloons. When I see the outcome, and what the party is going to look like, I will say, ‘Wow, this kid is going to be so happy. They are going to love it’”
“That’s where I find my own true, pure joy. It is not like work for me. This is my sole purpose on Earth, for my life and my legacy. It takes a lot of people a long time to find their true purpose. I have found mine.”
“Think about my close friend who died every day. I think about my mom every day. But I don’t think I have fully dealt with the grief. I do know that when I am decorating for a party, I am at peace. When I see the kids who have lost a parent, although they are younger than me, I feel like they are filling a void in my life and I am filling a void in theirs. I share their happiness. This is my gift and it has turned into something I can share with the world.”
Perspective and Inspiration
“When I am dealing with grief, I like to be in my bubble because I don’t want to be a burden to my kids when I am in that state, and I don’t want them to be a burden to me, which they are not. I don’t know how I pushed through the fog of grief, I just did it.”
"I am not only helping the kids at these parties, I am helping the grandmothers who are the caregivers. They love dressing the kids up for these parties.”
“My inspiration comes from a lady named Mahogany Payne. She lost two of her children to gun violence and her daughter to cancer. Her daughter’s husband died as well, and now she is her granddaughter’s caregiver. When I am sad, I think about that little girl. She lost both parents. There is always somebody dealing with something worse.”
“I asked Mahogany, ‘How do you deal with all of this?’ I threw her a party, for free. I had to. This woman walks around with a smile, she goes and speaks to people at the prison, she helps everybody. She never gave up.”
McIntosh recounts a conversation at a recent party. “The birthday girl said, ‘Do you know my mom is in heaven?’ I said, “I know. My mom is in heaven too.”
If you are interested in supporting the mission of Parties From Above, you can make a donation to their GoFundMe page.