Bereaved Mother Advocates for Youth
By Luke Schmaltz, VOICES Newsletter Editor
The Becca Schmill Foundation raises awareness about the importance of authentic relationships, in-person activities, and healthy engagement in the lives of adolescents and young adults.
The organization counteracts unhealthy focus on social media, which can potentially lead young people into dangerous situations.
Debbie Schmill started the foundation after her daughter Becca died of fentanyl poisoning in September of 2020. “Becca was a typical, happy kid for most of her early life,” Deb says. “She got a phone when she was 13 and she fell into socializing online.”
“When she was 15, she and her friends had a party chat and one of her friends invited some boys who were 18. They chatted for a couple of weeks and then one of the boys invited the girls to one of their houses. My daughter slept over at a friend’s house, they snuck out and went over to the boy’s house.”
From Bad to Worse
The events of the night did not bode well for Becca, as she was given substances which caused her severe impairment. As the group embarked on a walk to a nearby convenience store, she could not keep up. One of the boys stayed back with her under the guise of watching over her.
Becca was raped and the trauma sent her into a tailspin. “That was the start of her struggles,” Debbie begins. “From that point on, she kept saying she could cope with it, but she wasn’t really handling it. While she was struggling, some girls from the local high school cyberbullied her in an unpleasant and traumatic way. She was thrown for a loop, it was really humiliating, and after those two traumatic experiences, she started using drugs to cope.”
Compound Injury
“She used to say that she had a hole in her chest that she was trying to fill,” Debbie continues. “But nothing was making her feel OK. We were trying to get her help, but there were a couple of things we didn’t know.”
“We didn’t know she could use her phone to find drugs no matter where she was, we didn’t know about fentanyl and to the best of my knowledge Becca didn’t know either. The drugs got progressively worse. It started with marijuana, then cocaine, and a variety of other things.”
Becca underwent treatment as a minor, but when she turned 18, she was diagnosed as someone who had to be in adult facilities. “Before she was 18, we sought out help in appropriate places where she was with kids her own age,” Debbie explains. “The first time she went into an adult facility it was January of 2020.”
Insufficient Help
The pandemic lockdown made it increasingly difficult for Becca’s family to find appropriate treatment.
“We had never dealt with this before. The whole process, from the rape on, was a constant rollercoaster. We were so frazzled; we didn’t know what to do. That is one of the things that is so difficult to deal with. There aren’t enough services for families going through this,” Debbie says.
Danger in Disguise
As a result of inadequate treatment, Becca fell into a pattern of going in and out of various programs. “After the final place she went to for treatment, I picked her up and we went to Maine to stay at someone’s house,” Debbie explains. “We took her and another girl who had been in treatment, who otherwise would have been on the street. I figured if we had them in Maine, Becca didn’t have contact with her dealers. I didn’t know that with her phone, and being online, she could find a dealer anywhere. After alcohol was discovered in the house, the decision was made to send the two girls back into treatment.”
“The night before they were to return, they attempted to acquire heroin and cocaine. Around 2:00 in the morning, I heard they were up, I went and talked to her, I said I was proud of her, and that was that last thing I ever said to her,” Deb says. “The next morning, I went to get them up and the door was locked. I was banging and banging with no answer, so I called the paramedics. They broke in, and my daughter was gone.”
Debbie explains that instead of what they thought they were buying, they got fentanyl. “Despite being in and out of treatment, I don’t think they knew there was this added risk that whatever they got, could possibly be deadly.”
Inner Circle Grief Support
“After Becca died, my family tried to bring purpose to her death. We decided we needed to do something, so we started the foundation. The first thing was getting the support of my family and friends.”
Debbie’s husband, her four siblings, as well as her extended circle of family and friends helped her through this initial time. “I have a big, extended family from here and friends from when I was little, I know not everybody has that, but for me it was very helpful.”
Debbie started her outreach by talking to others in her community about how to stop the crisis. “What are the gaps in the system that let children and parents fall through the cracks?” She asks. “What is the information that is not getting to families?”
Debbie pinpoints one of these oversights to the policy of assigning people to inappropriate facilities. “My daughter didn’t belong in an adult facility with men. Many of the women she met in these facilities were in the same situation.”
Healing in Community
As she sought help for her grief, Debbie found community in a grief support group. “It was all people who lost children to overdose. There were four of us and we could relate to one another’s situations. I found it very helpful because you don’t feel so alone in it. No one understands what it is like to lose a child. I went on walks with other people who had lost a child.”
In her journey, Debbie also joined the Screen Time Action Network of Fairplay, an advocacy group raising awareness about certain platforms which involve dangerous online challenges. “Together, we are doing advocacy to save other children. We are all people who have lost a child and we can support each other.”