Meet Two “Finding Hope in Grief” Organizers
“There’s nothing really like this anywhere.”
– David Swindell, Finding Hope in Grief Conference Board Member
By Luke Schmaltz, VOICES Editor
The inspiration for this unprecedented event arose during a routine meeting between facilitators of Peer Grief Support Groups in Massachusetts. Facilitator Louise Griffin recognized the demand for an event focused on how to deal with substance use disorder (SUD)-related grief, and the need for building a more cohesive community around this crisis. The inaugural weekend will be the culmination of the work of many dedicated people, two of whom shared their stories with the VOICES Newsletter.
Facing Tough Questions
David Swindell is a Peer Grief Group Facilitator and one of the principal planners of Finding Hope in Grief Conference. Before becoming a facilitator, he lost his son to an overdose. (His son Chris, David mentions, to this day holds the state record for the most points scored in a soccer game.)
As someone in a family profoundly affected by SUD, Swindell is acutely aware of the many challenges faced by the bereaved. “There’s a huge stigma associated with those that pass from substance use,'' he says, “Not only for the loved one who passed but also for the family left behind. So, a lot of the people, and I’m one of them … when it first happens you feel like you’re all alone, isolated in this world with this stigma attached.”
Swindell explains the various questions that arise in such circumstances. “How do you go about getting better? How do you go about moving on? Who can help you go through these challenges and help you find your way on this darkened path?” he asks.
In his work as a facilitator, Swindell has discovered that among grieving people, men sometimes need extra help processing their feelings of loss. “I run a couple different Peer Grief Support groups,” he explains. “One of them is specific to men, addressing the question of ‘how do men grieve?’ And that’s what we want to get into. I often get the question, ‘Why doesn’t my husband grieve and why can’t he support me?’ Men are not necessarily vocal. We don’t explain ourselves to others,” he says.
At the upcoming conference, Swindell plans to address this issue. “One of the panels I will be running at the conference will deal with men in particular,” he begins. “The purpose of the panel is to field questions with a variety of men. I’ve got a father who has lost a son, a father who has lost a daughter, and I’ve got a son who has lost a father. So, I’ve got this mix to try and cover everything.”
Swindell goes on to explain that he also facilitates a general grief group for anybody, and everybody affected by SUD including moms, dads, sisters, brothers, neighbors, and friends. This aspect of his ongoing work will be demonstrated in other panels at the conference for different types of peer groups such as those for siblings and grandparents.
Swindell offers additional insight into what the Finding Hope in Grief Conference will involve. “For a day-and-a-half, we’ve got speakers on a variety of topics, activities such as yoga, breakout sessions, and advocacy speakers,” he says.
“The key idea of the conference is captured in the name,” Swindell explains. “The whole point is to bring people together to let them know there is a community to support them – to help them overcome the isolation and stigma – so that when they leave, they have created new friendships and they know there is a community of people out there waiting to support them.”
Healing Through Helping
Kathy Iellamo is the Marketing Chairperson for the Finding Hope in Grief Conference. She is also a Peer Grief Ally and works for Learn to Cope. “[It] is a support network for families dealing with addiction,” she explains.
Iellamo was one of the original recruits of the Peer Grief Ally Program, which is directed by Franklin Cook and Glen Lord of SADOD. “I got involved with SADOD in 2018 after losing my son to an overdose,” she begins. “A Peer Grief Ally is someone who provides emotional support to another person who is bereaved by the death of someone from substance use. It reminds me of the role of a good friend. We’re not clinicians, we’re not therapists, we’re just people who are bereaved ourselves from a loss from substance use and we provide emotional support. When you’re first going through grief, especially from SUD, it is very complicated. So, we are there for people to run stuff by us and tell us what they are going through,” she says.
“When I first became a Peer Grief Ally,” Iellamo explains, “I wanted to help other people. But in the process, I realized it helped me just as much if not more by being with people that are going through the same thing. I’ve made some really good friends … whether I met them through Learn to Cope or through SADOD. I think that’s what I rely on most of all is them, and by that, I mean the friendships with other mothers that have also lost a child. That really does help because you can talk to each other and maybe you thought you were going crazy feeling or thinking a certain way and then someone else tells you, ‘Oh, I know exactly what you’re talking about because I’m going through the same thing’ and there’s a lot of value in that,” she says.
As the Marketing Chairperson for Finding Hope in Grief Conference, Iellamo’s efforts on social media are proving to be fruitful, as pre-registration numbers are rolling in consistently. “If you go to the SADOD website and pre-register,” she says, “You will receive more information about the conference as it becomes available.” Other initiatives include an email campaign to the subscriber lists of the various support groups with which SADOD is associated and of course, word of mouth.
Iellamo looks forward to the many aspects of support Finding Hope in Grief Conference holds in store for attendees. “The conference is going to have speakers, wellness workshops, and there’s going to be a remembrance ceremony on Saturday night.”
“My hope for the conference is that it will be a place where people can connect with each other, where they can find that connection in person, Iellamo says.”
Finding Hope in Grief Conference is set to take place October 22nd - 23rd at the DoubleTree Westborough – 5400 Computer Drive, Westborough, MA.